


Coming Out

by orphan_account



Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Anti is kinda shy, Feelings Realization, How Do I Tag, M/M, Out of Character, Sean McLoughlin Egos, pride month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19351852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Anti and Seán come to terms with their feelings in the worst yet gayest way possible, happy pride month





	Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit this is finally out. I thought I was going to miss this months fic due to my laptop shutting down but thankfully my phone is letting me post it.
> 
> I realize this probably has lots of plot holes and is just overall not my best fic. But I wrote the first half like three weeks ago and just finished the rest today. I never go back and read through fics unless I’m looking for spelling errors, so there’s that too. I don’t care if my writing isn’t perfect, I’m just out here having fun!

“Hey Anti!”

Anti lets out a long suffering sigh, already dreading the conversation that’s about to happen. Resting his head on the table for a second, he lets out another deep breath before looking at the man in front of him, “What?”

Chase plops down in the chair next to him, a beaming smile on his face. Anti gives him a scowl, not wanting to be so close to him. He stays still though, hoping that Chase would leave him alone soon. He didn’t hate him, the guy could just be too much sometimes. Err… most of the time.

“It’s pride month.” Anti nods, swallowing loudly. He did not like where this conversation was going. At all. And Chase is just the right guy to pull something shitty as a prank, shaking his head slightly he pushes the thought away. Chase could be an ass but… not that much of an ass. Right?

“And we figured we better celebrate! We’re gonna have a little party, we’ll more like a get together. It was actually Marvin’s idea. They’re all setting up in the yard now sooooo, I was wondering if you wanted to join us tonight? I know you’re not really the type to get shit faced and dance around with body glitter on - that’s obviously a Marvin and Jackie thing. But you’re always welcome, we accept you. You know?”

Fiddling with his fingers, Anti gives the man a suspicious yet nervous look. Chase couldn’t possibly know. There’s no way he knows. The dudes a dumbass, he wouldn’t know the difference between a shark and a dolphin if it bit him in the ass. No, he doesn’t know. He can’t. Letting out a much shakier breath than he would like to admit, he mumbled quietly.

“Will… Seán be here?” He regretted the question almost as soon as he asks it. Not only because of how incredibly hot his face feels, but the look Chase gives him as well. It seems like a knowing look, but he quickly covers it up with his signature smile and a nudge to Anti’s shoulder as he gets up.

“Yeah I’m sure of it, seemed really excited for it. He’ll be here soon depending on if Henrik or Jackie is picking him up. Hopefully the former. Jackie can barely walk let alone drive.” Chase gives Anti another smile before going back outside to help Marvin, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Seán will be here… they haven’t talked in awhile. Anti isn’t really sure what made Seán slowly but surely stop hanging out with him, but part of him thinks it’s because he knows about Anti’s crush on him. He hopes that’s not the case, and that Seán was maybe just being weird like he usually can be, yet he can’t think of any other option as to why he’d act like this.

Sighing, Anti makes his way to his bedroom. He needs to think long and hard on if he’s going to join his friends tonight, and if he can handle seeing Seán again. He’s not going to say he’s heartbroken, he wasn’t in love with Seán. But it sucks when the person you’re closest with just stops talking to you. It sucks real fucking bad.

——

By the time Anti decides that he might as well join it’s already night time. He could tell everyone was having a good time judging by the laughter he heard outside, he doesn’t want to ruin their fun. But he figured if he wasn’t enjoying himself he could always go back inside and hide away.

Throwing on his usual black outfit he makes his way to everyone else, each step he takes the more he regrets the decision. He’s just about to turn back around and hide in his room, but then Chase sees him and it’s too late. They make eye contact and suddenly Chase is rushing to get him, a beaming smile on his face. Anti thinks he’d rather drop dead than be in this situation any longer.

“There he is! You had me worried there for a second buddy, I told everyone you were gonna join and right when I thought you weren’t - here you are! Come on man, there’s still a long night ahead of us.” Chase wraps his arm around Anti, leading him to the rest of the group. Though Anti was practically bringing them both outside, Chase was somehow already plastered. It couldn’t have been so late already, could it?

Anti wanted to shove Chase off of him and hightail it back inside once he saw him. He looked… good. Great even. When did his beard get that long? How long has it been since they’ve seen each other? Wow… he got really muscular. Oh no he’s staring now, he needs to look away, for fucks sake Anti look away everyone is looking, oh fuck oh shit Seán is looking back at him what does he do-

The next thing he knows Chase is touching his face with something wet and thick, he jerks away but the clearly drunk man only leans closer to continue what he’s doing. Giving him a look that could kill, Chase only let out a giggle in response.

“There. Gotta get in the spirit of things my guy! Now you have a rainbow on your face!” Chase untangles himself from Anti just in time to run away before he could push him over. That man can never fail to embarrass anyone and everyone. Shaking his head, Anti decides he’s not going to go anywhere near Seán, especially on purpose. So that means just being alone, he doesn’t mind that one bit. Finding a spot in the grass he sits down, looking up at the stars.

He’s there for what feels like forever, but it was probably only ten minutes. He knows he should probably mingle at least a little bit to make everyone happy, but he didn’t want to scare Seán away again. If it hurt once before, it’d definitely hurt again. Picking at the grass, he frowns to himself. Seán looks good. Healthy. He… looks better than when he used to be friends with Anti. Was he the problem? Was he ruining Seán’s life just by being around? He hopes not…

“Hey.”

Anti clenches his jaw, anxiety rushing over him. He looks at where the voice came from, Seán stands behind him with an uncomfortable look in his face. Somehow they maintain eye contact, Anti’s voice gets caught in his throat. Fuck. He’s gorgeous.

“Can… can we talk?”

He can only nod, why the hell is he so nervous? Letting out a shaky breath once Seán sits down next to him, he doesn’t like how he doesn’t know where this is going to go. He can feel himself starting to get defensive.

“If the guys put you up to this… you can just fuck off.” Anti bites the inside of his cheek once he notices Seán flinch at his comment. Maybe that was a little too far, but the dude fucking just ghosted him out of nowhere. Crush or not, that’s a shit thing to do.

“I- what? No! Anti, I wanted to apologize…” Seán lets out a huge breath, rubbing his face roughly, “Listen, I’m an asshole. I know that. I wouldn’t be mad if you punched me in the face. Though I’d prefer if you didn’t… fuck, I’m the worst.”

Although he was pissed, he couldn’t help but disagree. If Seán felt this bad about unfriending him then he must’ve had a good reason. He definitely wasn’t a shit person, he should know by now that he’s not.

“Seán, you’re not-“

“Damnit Anti don’t argue with me about this right now. I’m a terrible person for putting you through this. You didn’t deserve it. My feelings got in the way of our friendship and I ruined everything. I should’ve just told you and maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation, whether you rejected me or not.”

“What the fuck are you talking about Seán? I’d never reject you for shit. You were my best friend.” He can’t help but be confused, Seán gave him everything he has. Literally everything. Why would he not accept Seán for something he’s going through? Turning to face him completely, he nudges his knee in comfort, he’s seen his friend distressed before, but this was just terrible. Seán lets out a weak breath, giving him a forced smile. Anti feels his heart sink.

“I figured… tonight would be fitting to tell you. I was just not going to tell you at all. But when I heard about this thing Marvin was doing, I knew this was my chance. All or nothing.” They both know Seán is dancing around the subject as much as he can, he did that sometimes. He usually did that when they pulled a prank on one of the boys and was being interrogated, it’s one of the things Anti fell in love with about Seán. No. That he liked about Seán. He’s not in love.

“Wanna dance?” Seán stands, holding his hand out to Anti, whose brain was definitely overheating by now. Grabbing his hand, they move closer to the music Jackie had blaring from his phone, but not close enough to where the boys could hear their conversation. Swaying together awkwardly, Anti hears Seán swallow loudly.

“I really don’t want to fucking do this. But you need to know why I ruined this. You deserve it. You deserve better than me.” Anti opens his mouth to protest Seán’s derogatory words towards himself, but Seán quickly starts to speak once more, “I know you’re pissed. And you have every right to be. But… okay… I know you like me. Or at least… did.”

The world seems to freeze for a moment, and then suddenly it’s crashing down on him. He feels his breath catch in his throat and tears form in his eyes, trying to get away. Seán holds him in place though, saying words that Anti can’t process right now. This has to be the worst fucking day in his life.

“Anti. Anti please listen to me. It’s okay. Please calm down. You’re okay, it’s fine…” Although he feels like he’s going to get thrown into a panic attack, the whispers in his ear are comforting. His breathing is still quick, but Seán has always had ways of calming him down. It’s another thing Anti lov-liked about him.

“Let me finish. Hear me out. I found out on my own, you’re good at keeping secrets but as you said, we were best friends. I didn’t mind at first. I was quite flattered honestly. But then… the more I hung out with you the more I noticed the little things about you. The more I started thinking you were cute instead of cool. I got scared, I ran off. I thought if I was gone then my feelings would leave too. I was wrong. I’ve never… you know. But I know what I did was fucked up. You can hate me, I won’t blame you.”

It’s quiet for a long moment between the two. Seán’s nerves getting worse as the seconds go by while Anti’s brain and heart go a mile a minute. Seán is about to open his mouth to speak once more before Anti interrupts him.

“I don’t hate you.”

It’s quiet once more. Anti isn’t sure what to say next, or do. He’s terrified to look at Seán’s face though, not sure what the reaction would be. He looks down at his feet, his shyness doesn’t last nearly as long as he’d hoped, because soon enough Seán’s fingers are making their way towards his chin, pulling his face up gently so they can look at each other. The next thing Anti is met with is a pair of soft lips and a scratchy beard against his own. His brain has definitely short circuited by now. Before Seán can pull away in fear of how still Anti is, lips are suddenly moving in unison against his own. It’s a desperately sweet kiss, showing unsaid feelings towards each other, yet it was not slow. Anti lets out a pathetic noise as Seán pulls him closer, this was much needed for them both.

Pulling away although neither of them really want to, they make eye contact and break into large grins. It would be awhile before they got back to how they used to be. But this was a good start. A very good start indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact! This months fic was still supposed to be a pride fic but it was actually going to be about Anti going to pride! I switched it up because for some reason I just couldn’t write it. Also some more fun facts that no one probably cares about but oh well! I headcanon Anti as gay! A lot of other people do as well, especially since last year Seán reblogged a wonderful fanart by sparklepines where Anti was gay and it just blew up from there!
> 
> I am in no way trying to be offensive with this fic. I know Seán is straight and Anti’s sexuality in canon has no relevance, I just thought it’d be fun to write! Thanks for reading this story and these notes if you’ve gotten this for! And please feel free to let me know what you think of it! You can also leave recommendations for what I can write in these upcoming months, it’ll help a lot! Love you all!


End file.
